Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
