My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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