Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
