if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
