Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
