dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
