his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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