Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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