you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
