just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
