You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
