Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
