I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
