I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
