im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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