Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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