NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
