Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
