Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
