when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
