RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
