white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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