I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're too hungover to prance.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
