Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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