I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
