But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize