Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
