everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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