She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
