what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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