dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
