4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
