he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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