I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
