a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
