for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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