If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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