i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
