oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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