No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
