...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize