Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
