Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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