Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
