so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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