her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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