wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
