Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize