I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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