Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Randomize
