Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
