In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
