He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
