Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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