Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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