So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
