man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
