apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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