The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
