I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Blood and glitter go together right?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
