no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
