Joe is yelling at the trees again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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