Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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