i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
