So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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