Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
