ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
