We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
