just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
