I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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