How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
