They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
