the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Come on in and take your pants off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
